I see you… You think you’ve got me on a hook, and that I’m gratefully lapping up your praise and swooning under your nobility. You assume I can’t see the shining pedestal you have me on has a ticking clock counting off its slippery minutes. You reckon I don’t see the dark intent in your smile and your gifts, that I’m infatuated with the illusion you weave, and I am sinking, intoxicated into your perfect reality.
But it’s different this time; I smelt your stench a mile off. I saw your long shadow and tasted your lies with the relish of a hunter who’s been stalking your breed for years. I know your reality is a film set, a matrix of daydreams, the inviting silk spread over the treacherous mire.
Last time I was frozen in your narcotic gaze; hypnotized I prostrated myself at your feet and allowed you to have your way. I defended you, and worshiped you, respected and loved you…until you betrayed me beyond all doubt, turning me to stone.
This time I watch you; spinning your web and drawing them in – the needy, the lonely, the poor souls with no self-esteem. The promises you make to turn their houses to gold,
their swamps into fertile pastures, and their lonely lives to everlasting parties. They lay before you and do your bidding; they are your warriors, messengers and rent boys. I wonder if I should tell them? But no, their eyes are glazed and they would fight for you as dogs who fight to the death for a cruel master. How many turns with your sort will it take for them to learn?
I see you flexing your muscles and pulling at what you think is my tether; you’re too smart to use your whip, but the respect in your voice is laced with an intangible something and your eyes betray a question; “Can I control this one?” “Is she really all mine?” “Am I safe?”
When will your campaign to discredit me begin?
“Loyalty is the cornerstone of being with me,” you say, as I side-step your invites into the pews of your house of worship. Those alluded-to rewards in exchange for something you would never say, were subtly deflected. The light flashing on your amiable face from my mirror of protection for a split second reveals a sabre-toothed monster, smiling daringly…threateningly. How long before you smash the mirror with your trident? How quickly you’ll do it! Then reverting to gentleness, persuading me it was for my good…I’ll be safe now…if I’ll just stop resisting and follow you into the depths of your lair. I could be your Queen! I could rule at your side! Think of the life! Wonder at the riches!
But what happens if I refuse once more? If I shun the harness, and don’t buckle the collar round my own neck, willingly, and with reverence? The floor underneath me will surely open up, to the howling plethora of ravenous creatures of your world, starved and twisted by your words, unquestioningly tearing the skin from my bones and the limbs from my body. You would smile down at me and assure me it was all my own doing. All I had to do was love you...
But no. Not this time.
Maybe this time I’ll warn everyone about you. I won’t shout it from the rooftops; instead I’ll whisper it to them, and spread it carefully, stealthily and quietly…because I have learnt from you. You see; my clock is ticking too. I’ll see to it you’re exposed; one by one I’ll charm them, tell them, and show them what you do. I’ll put you in the blinding spotlight of truth and revenge. I’ll eviscerate you in fiction.
And then…my old friend… you’ll stumble about flailing in their bright light of realization, you’ll lash out and wail, taking down who you will, you’ll shriek at the injustice…and I know you’ll believe every word of what you protest, but all that will be left to do will be to leave for another land, somewhere far away where they don’t know you, and you can start it all again. A poor wronged genius who was unjustly cast out – a fallen king.
Let’s hope in the new land they are wise to folklore and legend, and have seen your sort before. Maybe they’ll uncover your drama and fiction sooner than we.
But be warned - Come back here again, and I’ll drive a stake through your black heart, and incinerate your shell, for I know it’s the only true way to kill you forever…
For this month's blog, I had a bit of fun. I’ve been reading about vampires and demonic creatures of myth, and a recent run in with a perfectly textbook narcissist inspired me to tie the two together.
Bloodsucker or Soulsucker? They’re one and the same to me ;-)
Be wise to those who seek to manipulate you. From a narcissist survivor :)